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How You Know It’s Time To Let Go Of A Relationship

If you’ve been on the spiritual journey for any length of time, you have probably noticed your relationships change the more you heal. This is because our relationships are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves- as that heals and grows, our relationships around us either heal with us are they gradually fall away.

It’s not a bad thing when someone falls away from your reality- it just means that the role you played in each other lives and the lessons you were meant to learn from each other are complete. That relationship no longer serves the purpose it once did, and it’s time for you both to move on with God into the next thing God has for you. This is a blessing for you and them as it frees you up to experience more love/God in your life.

Whenever we cling to something that God has brought to a place of completion in our lives, it feels bad. It feels like we are slugging through mud instead of gliding gently along the river of life. Life is meant to flow. When we cling or hold on, we prevent that life from flowing the way it should it and it depletes our energy. If you tune in you can feel this stagnation and trapped energy within you in a very visceral way. There isn’t a feeling of expansiveness there- that is how you know that you are not flowing and instead are hanging on.

It helps to see relationships as a flowing thing, instead of a rigid structure. Relationships evolve. They expand. They want to be fully expressed and experienced from different angles, in new ways. It’s really God you’re experiencing, through that person. The real question is, “where is God leading me now?” There is no loss of love, only an expansion of love taking place as you move onto the next thing God has for you.

That being said, there are two types of “letting go” you will experience in your relationships:

The first is a letting go of the way a relationship is experienced. This is where you remain in each other’s lives, but the nature of the relationship has changed. This has happened with many people in my own life who I have known for years, but our relationship has just evolved as we have changed and grown. Maybe once they were a best friend, or a mentor, or a confidant, but now they are someone who I speak to less often or only visit from time to time. The love is still there and I value the relationship as much as I ever have, but the way it looks has changed, because this is more appropriate for where we are right now. In these cases, these relationships all evolved so naturally, because we were all just going with God.

The second (and the one that tends to be more challenging) is letting go of someone who may have only come into your life as a lesson. These are people who are not on the same path as you, but have come into your life to help you become clear on who you are and what you want.

As I mentioned before, every relationship serves a purpose. In the first group, that purpose is evolving. In the second group, that purpose becomes complete.

The biggest difference between the two is that one person wants to love you, and so they are willing to move with God, with you, even if that means the relationship needs to evolve. The other person does not want to love you, and so all they offer you is unease and mistreatment.

You may still have blocks to work through with the first group and they may not even be consciously healing their relationship with God, but they are humble and learning, and they desire (and choose) love at the core.

The second group does not want love. They want ego. They will suffer and they will demand that you suffer with them. You must say no to these people if you want to live a healthy, whole, balanced life. There is no middle ground, because ego is diametrically opposed to God’s way.

How can you tell the difference between someone who just has blocks to work through and someone who, at the core, chooses ego? It’s really about humility and willingness to change with God.

Here are some signs you will see with someone who does not choose to go with God:

  • They’re judgmental.
  • They require that you accommodate their ego and upsets.
  • You will find that your relationship with them comes at a high cost to your peace of mind and wellbeing.
  • They think their opinion on your life should replace what God is showing you.
  • They’re miserable all the time, but still believe they are right.
  • They say they’re loving you when they control you or judge you.
  • They get upset, angry, or uncomfortable when you claim your personal power and heal.
  • They are arrogant about their beliefs. They are not humble and willing to learn.
  • They see you as a source of their good instead of honoring you as a fellow child of God.
  • They manipulate you and push boundaries to get what they want.
  • You generally feel drained when you’re around them.

Remember, anyone can experience the illusion of ego, but these are signs I’ve found from people who desire to cling to their ego and do not want God (or God’s way). If someone exhibits a few of these signs, but are willing to learn and grow, you may be able to salvage the relationship. But, if they don’t, you will have no choice but to let them go if you want to follow God.

I hope this helps you as you heal and move into experiencing more love in your life.

Always remember that you are worthy of only relationships that are mutually loving. As you heal and clear out what is unhealthy in your life, you will make way for God to provide healthy relationships for you that are based on His Love. Relationships that you can grow with, evolve with, and expand with, for all of eternity.

Much Love,


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